the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
