SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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