So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
