RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
