I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
