By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
