have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
