census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
