It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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