Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
