There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
