We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
