You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
