i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
