and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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