If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
