if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
