Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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