Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
