she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
