No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
