His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
