you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
