Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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