So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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