guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
