She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We need a shit load of segways right now
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
