He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
