i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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