We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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