remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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