Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
