god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
