Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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