my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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