omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
