After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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