Kareoke will never be a sober sport
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
is wine microwaveable?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
