VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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