That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
