we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
