You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
