Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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