Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
