She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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