if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
