absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
