girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
