After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
