the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
