My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
