Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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