And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
