she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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