eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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