She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
