thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
