And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
