okay pat passed out under dana's car
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
