I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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