life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
