Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
